Rules For Walter
by Artemis Blair
Summary: Peter, Olivia, Broyles, and Astrid decide that its time to give Walter some rules to keep his quirks in check!


Disclaimer: JJ Abrams and his FOX buddies own Fringe and its characters. Unfortunately, I am not Abrams, a FOX associate, or (sadly) a Fringe character.

A/N: This is set in Walter's Harvard lab in some idyllic universe/ timeline, in which Peter is where he belongs. Not set in any particular season. This is my first story, inspired by all the lovably crazy musings and behavior of Dr. Bishop. Just a bit of light fluffy humor I wrote on a whim! Hope you're entertained, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review!

"Do you really think this is necessary?"

"Olivia, ever since Walter's…_ incident_ Broyles has been convinced that we need a better system of keeping him in check. Anyways, it's for the best. I've wanted to enforce some of these rules for YEARS!"

Olivia allowed herself a slight smirk and planted a quick kiss on Peter's cheek.

"Even rule 12?"

Peter grinned and wrapped his arms around Olivia.

"Well I, for one, don't see why Walter thinks that he needs to interfere when things are going so well already…"

Just as the two agents drew closer for a kiss, the lab door opened and shut with a crash. Peter and Olivia looked up, both equally startled. By the door stood Astrid, appearing just as surprised as the others. Her eyes widened, eyebrows raised, and her lips formed a small, yet distinct "O."

"Oh- Peter! Olivia! I was just…well… I'm sorry if I was interrupting. I can leave if you-"

Peter and Olivia glanced at each other, and then back at Astrid.

"It's fine Astrid. Actually, we were waiting for you to return to the lab. We need your help with something." Olivia hurriedly explained as she handed a plain, goldenrod file to Astrid.

Astrid opened the file and found a single sheet of white cardstock inside. She removed it from the file held it up.

"What are these for?" Astrid asked.

"Well, since Walter has been having a hard time containing himself recently, we've established a set of rules for him." Peter responded.

"Don't you think this is a little… harsh? Walter has never done any harm. Well, maybe-but only in the name of science... He's just a bit eccentric at times. Anyways, he's Walter, for goodness sake!" Astrid exclaimed.

"I know, but it's Broyles' orders that Peter and I create at least 50 rules for him to follow. We faxed him the list this morning, and are waiting for his approval. We just need to ask you for your input. Take a look." Olivia suggested.

Astrid studied the list.

50 RULES FOR DR. WALTER BISHOP

Walter Bishop may not call Astrid names that do not (at least) begin with an "A"

Walter Bishop may not explode papayas (or any other fruit)

Walter Bishop may not give young children drugs (cortexiphan, LSD, or otherwise)

Walter Bishop may not make pudding before washing the blood off his hands

Walter Bishop may not sing to Olivia's niece

Walter Bishop may not fly kites in electrical storms

Walter Bishop may not steal other people's children

Walter Bishop may not play with the prototypes of Nina Sharp's prosthetic arm

Walter Bishop may not throw things in hotel rooms

Walter Bishop may not complain about butterscotch pudding….

…or sweet strawberry flavored death

Walter Bishop may not slip aphrodisiacs into Peter and Olivia's drinks

Walter Bishop may not "borrow" children's toys from Massive Dynamic

Walter Bishop may not command Peter to do coin tricks at will

Walter Bishop may not prank call the observers

Walter Bishop may not tell "knock-knock" jokes about shapeshifters

Walter Bishop may not exit his bedroom without clothes on

Walter Bishop may not sing "Row, Row, Row your boat" before 8:00 pm

Walter Bishop may not alter his prescriptions

Walter Bishop may not undress in front of Massive Dynamic officials

Walter Bishop may not fling shrimp or peanuts

Walter Bishop may not look at reflective surfaces

Walter Bishop may not pick white tulips form others' gardens

Walter Bishop may not play with typewriters

Walter Bishop may not color in the lab's copy of ZFT

Walter Bishop may not drug Astrid

Walter Bishop may not tell others that someone peed in their gene pool

Walter Bishop may not bathe in the sensory deprivation tank

Walter Bishop may not present Olivia with light boxes to turn off with her mind

Walter Bishop may not spend his paycheck on rootbeer floats

Walter Bishop may not point out the common baldness between Broyles and the Observers

Walter Bishop may not blame Nina Sharp for The Pattern

Walter Bishop may not friend David Robert Jones on Facebook

Walter Bishop may not quote Denethor

Walter Bishop may not send Astrid to the supermarket to buy obscure food items

…or use her as a taste tester

Walter Bishop may not experiment with molecular gastronomy

Walter Bishop may not inject himself with drugs not approved by the FDA

Walter Bishop may not say "Vagenda" again under ANY circumstances whatsoever

Walter Bishop may not put red vines into the centrifuge

Walter Bishop may not wear a purple suit

Walter Bishop may not eat the evidence

Walter Bishop may not rip holes in the fabric of the universe

Walter Bishop may not tell Olivia that she looked better with red hair

Walter Bishop may not steal bowling shoes from Sam Weiss

Walter Bishop may not auction off components of "The Machine"

Walter Bishop may not fish at Reiden lake

Walter Bishop may not make corpses sing

Walter Bishop may not feed Gene cacao nibs in an attempt of creating chocolate milk

Walter Bishop may not sing "They're coming to take me away, HA-HA!"

Violation of these rules will result in one week's punishment of constant supervision and the prohibition of Root Beer Floats, Papaya, Frankenberry Cereal, Blueberry Pancakes, Strawberry, Custard, Coffee Yogurt, Pudding Pops, or RedVines.

"Well, I think you covered just about everything." Astrid sighed.

Suddenly, Walter burst through the lab door, eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Asterisk! Did you know that they sell corndog flavored gift wrap? Wonderful, I say! I just bought 35 rolls of it to make a dress for Gene!" Walter exclaimed exuberantly.

Peter rolled his eyes, while Olivia and Astrid gaped at Walter with perplexed expressions written on their faces.

"Well, I'm off to take her to our dance lessons! Please be a dear and lock up when you leave!"

Walter grinned broadly at all three, who simultaneously turned towards the back of the lab. Horrified, they discovered that Gene's stall was empty.

"YOU TOOK THE COW?" Peter gasped, but it was too late. Walter had already left to take his bovine accomplice out dancing.

"Rule 51," Olivia began, "Walter Bishop may not take Gene out dancing-"

"Or make her corndog flavored dresses." Astrid completed.


End file.
